All The Shells I Picked Up At The Beach

they were so pretty.

i only picked up 

the very

shiniest.

like a bird that likes to eat shiny things

or my dog.

my dog also likes to eat shiny things.

sometimes i like to eat shiny things, too.

i think that's what advanced academic placement really is.

they dress it up like we're really smart,

but i suspect that it's actually

for special kids 

who try to eat shiny things

like me.

RAWR

A Pretty Shell I Found

i heard that 

shells are 

different colors

depending on what

they eat.

this shell looks like 

the sunset.

that means that

the shell

ate the sunset

and that's why

there's now 

a hole in the ozone.

RAWR

Trying To Get A Picture Of Me Jumping

all i wanted

was one good picture

just one.

and what did i get?

a load of crap.

i decided to put it online anyway.

RAWR

My Footprints In Wet Sand

when i walk in the sand

i contemplate 

 the meaning

of life

and i wonder 

why i am

here on earth

and then i 

trip and fall

into the ocean.

and i get wet.

RAWR

My New Favorite Band

thought I was lookin' good

so I cycled 'cross the neighborhood

was invited by a skinny girl

into her high class world

left my bicycle under the stairs

laid my coat across the kosher chairs

made my way across the crowded room

i had nothing to lose

my reception wasn't very keen

so turning on a friendly grin

stood on the table with my glass of gin

and came straight to the point

 i was glad to come

i'll be sad to go

so while I'm here

i'll have me a real good time

i was glad to come

i'll be sad to go

so while I'm here

i'll have me a real good time

dancing madly round the room, yeah

singing loudly and sorta' out of tune

was escorted by a friendly slag

'round the bedroom and back

wandered across the door

missed my step and I fell on the floor

said one word and I was asked to leave

kinda' wish I was dead

i was glad to come

and I'll be so sad to go

but while I was here

i had me a real good time

the skinny girl made it clear

that she only came here for the beer

that's a fact, oh, yeah

the vicar, he simply reeked of gin

on my way home

i happened to fall off my bicycle

good party

i was glad to come

but I was also glad to get home

copied from metro-lyrics

RAWR

Eau De Parfume

some really good perfume i got at the mall.

lady gaga's 

perfume.

here, smell it!

RAWR

A Really Good Breakfast I Got At A Motel.

we were going to have breakfast.

 we were like 

"oh, this place is going to have a sucky breakfast"

 and we get there, and there is a waffle iron and like 15 different types of cereal.

and this is what i had.

all that sugar.

i

went

insane.

RAWR

Spandex Has Changed My Life

"today, i'm not wearing real pants."

RAWR

Eating Carabba's pizza

that pizza speaks for itself.

nothing i can say 

will be more elegant

than what that pizza 

said to my tongue

while i was chewing 

and digesting it.

RAWR

Pretty Flowers

they smile at me

little rays of 

sunshine

just kidding

that's so

cliche.

and cliche

is 

stewpid

RAWR

Pressing Elevator Buttons

pressing buttons is my life.

activity:

go in an elevator by yourself and press

 every single button.

when you get to the top floor,

press 1, or L.

on the way down, jump around in the elevator.

it shakes a lot.

it scares people that are also in the elevator.

so do it when you are alone.

also make sure to 

not crash the elevator.

RAWR

Wildlife

a lone fish.

a lone heron.

they are forbidden lovers.

the fish is way into

the heron

but the heron

wants to 

eat the 

fish.

RAWR

Knockoff Sperry

i know they're knockoffs.

i know they're cheap.

but they're sparkly,

so don't mess with me.

RAWR

Feeding Koi

the reason

that fish

can 

breathe underwater

is because

they

are descended from

space boogers

and

everyone knows that

space boogers

can

breathe underwater

because

they

live in space

and space

is

made out of water.

the end

huh! who knew?

RAWR

Big Waves

be careful, or you'll get knocked over

 and eaten by a shark 

and drowned.

no, you won't.

well...

maybe you will.

it depends.

RAWR

The Beach

it's gorgeous and the sky is so bleu.

bleu.

french.

myrtle beach.

french.

bleu.

RAWR

Going In The Pool With Clothes On

one of my favorite things to do 

ever...

unless i get all wet.

then i get mad.

RAWR

At The Beach

at the beach,

everybody

is overweight

because of

all the 

bad food.

i think

that they evolved

to be that

chubby

because

fat 

floats

in water.

RAWR

Starbucks

(Tessa + Starbucks 4ever)

it's incredibly, incredibly true.

if starbucks goes out of business,

i will sob.

and sob.

and-

hey-

sob is a funny word.

:)

(A POEM BY TESSA)

RAWR

When Your Dog Lets You Put a Dress on Her

"i will kill you in your sleep."

RAWR

The Perfect Phone Case

ms susy had a turtle

she named it tiny tim

she put it in the bathtub

to see if it could swim

it drank up all the water

it ate up all the soap.

it couldn't eat the razors

cuz of the bubble in his throat!

ms susy called the doctor

ms susy called the nurse

ms susy called the lady with the alligator purse.

in came the doctor

in came the nurse

in came the lady with the alligator purse

"i'll fix him" said the doctor

as did the nurse

followed by the lady with the alligator purse

out went the doctor

out went the nurse

but where's the lady with the alligator purse?

she's in the bathtub

shaving her pits

RAWR

Your Best Friends

i have a posse.
everybody should
have a posse
but you can't
have my posse
because i had
them first
:)
i love my
posse.

awwwww 
how sappy and gross 
she's writing 
a love letter
 to her posse 
and what is a posse anyway
 and why can't she 
just shut up
 and
 go away
 i was looking
 for an actual
 caramel frappe
 and i get this
 what a load of bull.

RAWR

That Weird Selfie That Makes You Look Nothing Like Yourself

i don't just look like a princess
i am a princess.

RAWR